Get Out of the Norm

My life is changing as empty nest is knocking at my door. My daughter leaves for college in a month and my son is now a junior. He is driving, working and self reliant. I was lucky enough to stay home and raise them but now they are leaving the nest. This has been my identity. The children and my marriage. This is where my investment went and now I feel rebellious with some regret.

Whether we are working moms or stay at home moms we carry the emotional load. We nurture the kids and nurture the marriage. No matter how liberal we are, we still take care of our man. Maybe some less then others but it is hard to shake this patriarchal mind set. I am finding that as my children move on I am less interested in the matriarch role. This household has been quite traditional and now I am ready to leave the nest too. I miss my freedom of self.

Nothing really changes for the man. They continue to work and provide. Most men feel that is their job and don’t understand the identity crisis women face during this period. Of course, they are sad to see the kids go but it isn’t the Universal shift that it is for the mom.

During this period, women start to evaluate their lives, their choices and their relationships. I believe women comprimise more then men and once the nest is empty we no longer want to. We have clumped the men with the kids and maybe taken too good care of them. We have done the laundry, the cooking, the bills. During our children’s childhood this makes sense as we are in that mode. As they leave though, our sense of purpose changes. Taking care no longer feeds us and men are left scratching their heads. This is a rough period or I have found it to be. We hear talk about the physical manifestation of change in a woman but the relationship and emotional change is much harder to navigate.

I know this phase will pass but I am finding it difficult. To all the women who are in the same place at least know you are not alone. This is our time to come full circle of who we once were. I believe before the marriage and the kids we were on the track of authentic self and then we took a detour. Now it is time to get back on that journey. Change is in the air and some may not like it but it can only be for the better!

Peace, Lenny

Jesus said don’t try and cultivate the desert just leave it. How often do we try to make relationships work, or drag someone with us as we move forward in this life, or can’t let go of something that is bad for us? Frankly, too often. We all do it. We try to cultivate the desert and are only getting into energy debt.

I grew up Catholic and believe me I tried to cultivate a lot of deserts. I thought I was suppose to. I believed I could change this world. The Course says we can’t change anything and when we try we are in the ego thought system. This doesn’t mean we don’t care, aren’t kind, or don’t have compassion. It means we need to rely on the Holy Spirit every day to come up higher. We need to come up higher to let go of the attachment we have to the physical which isn’t even real. This material world is hard to look past but it is not eternal. When we get bogged down in the ego game, we lose ourselves and right intention.

My new mantra for the week leave the desert it can not be cultivated!

Blessings, Lenny

They are at it again. Now the government in San Fransisco, I think that was the city, wants to ban fast food restaruants.. This is because we are a nation of fatties and the government won’t stand for it. Boy, I wonder what their health was like back in 1776? I think they ate butter, smoked, ate fresh pig and drank cream.

The premise of the government is they are so worried about our health. Firstly, and I say this with all respect congress, you all must get on a scale. We will be sorry to see half of you go. But, you must be the role model for what is ahead. We all know how you love your booze, women and pork bellies!

Your premise is a rouse. The truth is we hate the sight of fat. We would rather die of cancer then be fat. I don’t know why but it is true. This is not just targeting the obese this is anyone with curves.

The interesting thing about this story is San Fransisco will continue to build places like Subway. What is odd about this is they offer a meatball sandwhich that has more calories and fat then the quarter pounder.

Does the government need to get into a 12 step program? Doesn’t any 12 step program say doing the same thing over and over is insanity. Well folks, our government is insane. The more they pressure this nation to be thin the fatter we seem to get. When they decide this fast food chain can stay and this one can’t, we got real problems.

The government can’t tell us what we are allowed to eat. There big argument is that fat is a health and insurance risk. Well, that argument is bogus. fat does not = sick. There are all shapes and sizes we were not all made to be a size 0. Well, none of us were made to be a size 0 those poor girls in Hollywood are starving themselves. I hope it is worth it!

If we are really talking about insurance and health factors then no one is spared. It isn’t about size it is about physical stats. There are plenty of thin people that have high blood pressure, smoke and drink too much. If the government has its way we will all lose our jobs!

What is the real issue? Why is our nation getting so fat? What are we lacking in this information highway? We have lost the community and we are begging for connection. As usual the government wants to put a band aid on a huge issue. Fat and anorexia are not about food. They are about control, lack, need, desire etc. Wake up America. You want us to change our habits then we need to change the way we have chosen to live. I think the first place to start is turn off the 24 hour news. It is mostly left propoganda and we can’t do anything about the stories they tell anyway. Those shows have just created a greater divide between me and my brother. Start saying hi to your neighbor again. Be there when your friend is in need or in pain. Find time for your family and friends. We can say stop the maddness and that is all this is. Food is the new drug and the government is going to try and stop its use. We see how well they have done with the drug wars so……

This is my least favorite topic because it is always my biggest challenge! My dad died a month ago. He was gone for a long time before he left. His demise was slow but in the last few years he just was not himself. It was a blessing that he left because it was past time.

I have done so much work in therapy and with God I thought for sure I had come to terms with my relationship to my father. I was surprised to find out how angry I was at him after he left.

My dad was my big person. I hung on his words as a child, wanted him to approve of me, took his standards on as my own, believed his words and character and he has been a lasting voice in my head. My dad left our family after 25 years and got re-married. Something he said Catholics don’t do nor would he ever do. Although my parents marriage was a mess, children never want to see their parents split. It wasn’t so much dad leaving but when he walked out the door he shut it on all of us. He got re-married to a woman who was younger. She was immature and jealous and did not bring a nurturing or welcoming presence to his children. It is a long and complicated story but to be in his life I had to make adjustments.

I did confront dad on everything over the years. As we know, I am not one to hide or quiet the words. The problem was I never got what I wanted nor the closure I needed. Dad had a spirit of pride and could never say he was sorry. Since I used to have that same problem, I should understand it. My head does but my heart and the little child inside doesn’t.

I have been mad and sad, to quote my favorite character Sooki, I have been smad! I know I have to let go, forgive and move forward. Maybe part of letting go means he really is gone.

There are many lessons to be learned here. The most important is don’t let pride get in your way. If you refuse to be responsible for your actions, you leave a trail of unfinished business. Once you start saying your sorry, you realize how easy it is to do. Don’t comprimise relationships for one person. My dad gave up a lot to be with his second wife. Although he chose to do it, I believe she was an instigator in that process. If you are so insecure that you have to separate someone from those they love, you should get into therapy or a prayer chair. Don’t let ego emotions run your life, RISE UP HIGHER! All God needs to hear is HELP!

Appreciate those in your life even the ones that are difficult. God puts people in our lives for a reason or a season. Sometimes people are in our lives for the whole show and sometimes they are just in it for the preview. Marriages don’t always work that is not the tragedy. It becomes a tragedy when you shut the door on those you love or create an ugly sceniro with your soon to be X. There is no reason not to be civil you must remember at one time you loved each other.

In the end, the true story of you is what you leave behind. Do you leave behind a group of people that felt loved, appreciated, heard and included or do you leave behind a group of people that are hurting, lost and conflicted?

Today is a new day. Change what isn’t working and make it right. Change isn’t easy but The Trinity is just a holler away.

Blessings, Lenny